


It's Sardonyx Tonight!!!

by Toonfreak



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-22 15:06:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11969919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toonfreak/pseuds/Toonfreak
Summary: Join us for a very special episode of "Sardonyx Tonight"! Where our magnificent host will take questions directly from the audience!!!





	1. Chapter 1

A pitch darkness surrounds you. The confusing situation is somewhat foreboding. Suddenly, a voice booms somewhere from the front.

"Live from this Shared Literary Venue! IT'S SARDONYX TONIGHT!"  
The lights rise! A stage suddenly appears. The set up includes our red Gem host, Sardonyx, standing in front of a wooden podium.   
Sardonyx begins:  
"GOOD EVENING EVERYBODY! How are you all doing tonight?"  
The crowd around you erupts in singular applause.

The Gem continues. "The show we have planned for this evening is incredible! Yes indeed! It's the episode you ALL have been waiting for! Where we will be taking questions from the audience!"

The audience claps excitedly, before the host continues:

"Now, I know you are all super excited to send in your questions, but we must lay some ground rules first-certainly! Can't have everyone asking anything they please! Keep in mind, this is a PRIME TIME show. Little human children could be watching after all!" Sardonyx nods with a rare amount of seriousness.  
"...becides! I rather NOT have to ban anyone from the show- do you know how much it hurts to get kicked out of your own imagination?!? Quite a lot, I'm sure!"

Sardonyx sits down in her chair. "That being said: we are going to take a quick commercial break while we receive our questions from the audience! Stay turned!"

As the stage fades out, you hear what sounds like a disclaimer:  
"Warning!"SardonyxTonight"isnotresponsibleforanyinjuryyoumaysustainifkickedoutofyourownmind.Allquestionssubmittedmustbeageappropriate.Donotwatch"SardonyxTonight"ifyouarepronetoheadachesorgeneralriffraff.Ifyouhaveanyquestionstalktoyourdoctorbeforewatching"SardonyxTonight".


	2. Chapter 2

"-aaaannnnd we're back!" Sardonyx is now holding several cards that were handed to her by the audience during the commercial break.

"Let's see what we've got here..." The Gem flips through the cards, and seems to come across a paper of interest! She reads it quickly, and repeats it with glee: "Here we are! Something interesting! Fixylol asks: 

"Have you ever considered performing in front of a live audience? like, y'know, a non-pocket-dimensional one?"

Ah! An excellent question! I have, of course, considered it from time to time- however, there are some absolutely horrendous side effects to doing such a thing! Yes indeed!"

The fusion sits down before explaining: "You see, breaking the forth wall is a very tricky business! If I were to try to enter YOUR world from here- I'm afraid chaos would spread faster than a jackrabbit on a date! Our dimensions would combine...you would have corrupted Gems and Yellow Diamond trying to take over YOUR dimension, we would have that massive amount of horrendous politicians trying to taking over OUR dimension! No! Absolutely not! Sounds GHASTLY doesn't it?"

The Gem thinks for a second, before mumbling: "(-although, all that chaos would make my ratings soar....)....NO!!! ABSOLUTELY OUT OF THE QUESTION!!! Goodness! What was I thinking there?!? Let's get to the next question...shall we?"

Sardonyx clears her throat, before shuffling the cards and reading off the next question:  
"Darth Cody writes: "Hey, Sardonyx. You're one of my favorite fusions-" 

Well! I'm awfully flattered! Thank you darling!

"-especially since Garnet makes up part of who you are."

She is rather awesome isn't she? A-him! To continue: 

"Do you know about Mettaton? What do you think of him?""  
The Gem suddenly turns quite pale, before facing the audience nervously...  
"Well...I do know OF him dear- but it is somewhat...controversial to discuss your competition- especially when their views on humans-erm....differ so much."  
Sardonyx shudders slightly at the thought. "Mettaton is an incredibly violent being-horrendously evil I must say! I don't like people comparing the both of us...to be completely frank."

The Gem nods in agreement, and attempts to compose herself.

"Perhaps we could receive some more questions from the audience? In the meantime, we will take another commercial break! 

An invisible announcer states: "Sardonyx Tonight" Will be right back after these messages from our sponsors!!"


	3. Chapter 3

The lights shine once again on our Gem host!  
"Hello, hello, darlings! I hope you all enjoyed the commercial break! We've received some brand new questions from our loyal fans!" The fusion waves around a new stack of cards- simply beaming with pride!

"Let's see what interesting things have been asked this time!" Sardonyx looks at the first card.  
"Thax asks here: "What is your opinion of the people who make theories about your universe?" Hmmmm....I'm afraid I must answer your question with another question: which theories are you referring to? I've heard so many through the grapevine...everything from the humorous to the absurd! I guess it's just in a human's nature to be inquisitive! Your lives ARE very short after all...it might explain the....small attention spans. OH-HO! HO! HO! HO! HO!"

The Gem laughs to herself in amusement.

The crowd does not laugh with her. Crickets are heard.

"Erg...tough crowd tonight..." Sardonyx pulls on her collar- nervous.

"Next question...quickly now- let's see...Blob the Guest states: "If you could summon a character from another cartoon fandom (such as Gravity Falls or SvtFoE) for Steven (and possibly Connie) to bond with, who would it be?"  
Oh!! An excellent question!' Hmm...someone from another multiverse who would be a good friend for Steven or Connie? ...I would have to say....Mabel Pines from Gravity Falls! She seems like a very nice human! I think Connie would get along splendidly with Katara from Avatar the Last Airbender! She's an excellent teacher and friend. While Star Butterfly is very...charismatic...I think she's a bit too reckless to be around my Steven or any of his friends. QUITE a bad influence! Marco would be a better choice!"

The Gem smiles, before looking quite ashamed of herself. "Oh dear. I fear I have probably said a great-deal too much...It's never nice to put down others- I do sincerely apologize." The fusion lowers her head in shame.

"Let's see what else we have here...monkeyking0024 says:  
"hey sardoynx i was thinking what if you had a pet monkey or more (i recommend a capuchin either white and black or just brown or just both because their playful, funny, and don't forget smart, or maybe a spider monkey, or squirrel monkey or possibly all the monkey.) as a partner for the show, so if that happen, what are you gonna name the monkeys?"

Goodness gracious! A monkey! It's one of those LESS evolved primates, correct? Hmm...my halfs seem...conflicted on this one..."

The fusion seems a bit baffled at her internal confrontation.  
"Uh...well...the majority vote seems to believe that a monkey would be horrendously filthy, and out stage me easily on my own show. Ruby seems to like the idea though!"  
The Gem smiles.  
"-I believe she would name the monkey...uh- "Awesome Bongo the third"? or "Bongo" for short."

The fusion blushes slightly at her own comment.   
"That was...a very interesting answer, wasn't it? I guess you could say I was...Monkeying around, huh? Oh-HO! HO! HO! HO!"

The audience laughs along (this time) with the idiotic pun! Sardonyx' second pair of arms rotate 360 degrees.

"Yes! Yes! Quite bananas! A-hem! What else do we have here? Kgbsprite writes:  
"Hey Sardonyx! Honestly, your show should be called Hey, Sardonyx! XD, but anyway, have you ever tried doing a cooking show? I know Pearl doesn't like food, but would she still do it for the vine*cough* I mean show?"

Ah! A cooking show you say?!? While Pearl (and me) absolutely DESPISE eating, we both find cooking quite a relaxing activity! Perhaps I SHOULD add a cooking segment to my show! What do you guys think?"

A few people in the audience cheer a bit.   
"Hmm...maybe if I get a bit more support...we will have to see Kgbsprite! Give the people what they want I say!!"

In a sudden amount of excitement- Madameriverotter suddenly jumps up from her seat in applause! "More!!! More!!! You're stupendous!!" The fan proceeds to throw popcorn onto the stage instead of confetti!!!

Sardonyx seems quite surprised (and a bit baffled that her stage is now covered in popcorn). 

The Gem takes a graceful bow, before the show goes back to commercial....


	4. Chapter 4

As the stage fades back in, it seems that there is some sort of commotion interrupting the show!

It turns out, the fan that made so much ruckus at the end of the last cut, was a bunch of otters in a human costume!

As the otters chatter and run about the terrified audience, a piece of subtitle-like text appears under one of the creatures:  
"We Otters would like to know if you'd consider making a Show out in the Kelp!"

Sardonyx reads the "invisible" text before looking somewhat appalled. 

The Gem answers:  
"We...shall see. But PLEASE re-take your seat! Your causing quite a din!"

The romp of otters sit obediently on the seat.

"THANK you! Stars! Who on Earth let a bunch of Lutraine in here in the FIRST place!?!?" The Fusion dusts herself off before sitting down again.

"Sorry about that...interruption folks! Welcome back!!!"

The crowd applauds, although the humans near the otter seat seem nervous....

Sardonyx continues: "Let's see here...more inquisitive written remarks from the audience! WolfieeEila asks:  
"Hey Sards, how'd you get the idea to do this?"

Well, I've been doing this show for several thousand years, darling! It just came naturally the first time Pearl and Garnet fused together! If your referring to this new venue though, it was my amazing editor that booked this spot in all of your imaginations specifically! She had to pull quite a few strings to get this location too! Let's see...where is she?"

As Sardonyx looks over the crowd, a spotlight begins to search for the editor among the audience.  
The light suddenly freezes on a very shocked looking human standing in the back, observing the show.

The Gem seems enthused! "Ah! There she is! Come on down my good Toonfreak! The audience wishes to thank you!"

In a sudden amount of panic, Toonfreak runs away from the spotlight, slightly spooked from all the extra attention. 

The Gem host seems disappointed. "Ah...yes...well...I forgot. While she is great at booking venues, she has horrendous stage fright, the poor dear..." Sardonyx seems a bit discouraged but continues all the same! "-anyway, I'm sure she appreciates you all tuning in to the show, and writing questions! She never says so herself...too humble and shy I'm afraid- so I'll just say it for her!"

The Gem smiles. "Let's see here...OH! Another question from monkeyking0024!  
"So the monkey wasn't the first option of my choice, soooooo... how about a parrot, their pretty, smart, it can fly, and can learn to talk, and can do trick, but not as good as a dog but dogs can't learn to talk now or a drongo because these birds can mimic many voice of animals or anything like a chainsaw, firetruck siren, or a word, or phrase if you can tell it, sooo what do you say, and for the name of the bird if you pls. thx ;3"

My goodness! You must really like animals! I will admit, a parrot would make for a much easier (and hilarious) companion than a monkey! Still, animals would probably dirty up my stage...perhaps I should just hire Amethyst to mimic some animal companions? Hmmm....as for what I would name a parrot- perhaps Alex? I have heard of a similarly-named parrot of great intelligence!"

Sardonyx stands up.  
"Well, that's it for this episode! Keep those questions coming, and join us to the next exciting installment of "Sardonyx Tonight!"

The stage fades as an announcer states:  
SardonyxTonightwastapedinfrontofaliveaudience

**Author's Note:**

> Send in those questions!  
> (But seriously guys...I want to keep this a general audience fic...ok? So no inappropriate stuff.)


End file.
